Lately, I have come to realize that inspiration can be found in the most unusual places. To help you better understand let me start with some background info...
My husband is incredibly Type A ... like the pillows have to be positioned "just so" on the couch, like he vacuums the couch, and not just vacuums it but does so in a way that creates perfect lines on the couch. I didn't even know people vacuumed their couches let alone the line situation before I met him.
So now that you understand that perspective of living I will explain my way of thinking. Now I don't see myself as a dirty or messy person. But I am definitely not close to a perfectionist level. I would consider myself a middle ground man in the gross-and-filthy to perfect-and-tidy cleanly scale. I'm ok with dishes sitting out for a bit or unfolded laundry to remain out for a period of time but I'm not ok with unending piling chaos.
I'm sure from that information you can understand that cleanliness has been a point of contention in our marriage since the very beginning. He expects to come home to an immaculate home. To go to bed to an immaculate home. For our home to remain in a state of constant immaculateness. I, on the other hand, prefer to be much more laid back about the whole ordeal. The problem lies with whose responsibility is it to keep up this immaculateness? His understanding is because I am a woman, it is my job. Nevermind the fact that I have a full-time job or the fact that we are both working parents, that I am exhausted after my 12 hours shifts, that I need a B-R-E-A-K on my days off, that he perpetually naps on his days off and at work... Can you hear my disapproval of this way of thinking?
On the other hand, I want to be a good wife and I want him to feel cared for. So it is a continual battle in my mind of "If he wants it this way he can do it himself" and "but I should do it to make him happy". What to do...what to do...
We recently had a long talk about love languages and realized that acts of service were his and words of affirmation were mine. I continually show him love through words of affirmation which means relatively nothing to him and he performs acts of service for me which I truly don't think twice about. We were doing our best to love each other but we were doing so selfishly. Because honestly, neither of us wants to do the more difficult thing and change our behaviors to love as the other one needed.
So all of this to say, let me get back to my inspiration epiphany. I was watching "Good Girls" (very funny show by the way) the other day and there is a scene where the stay-at-home mom and working dad change roles. The mother comes home the first day from work to a house that is a mess. Total disaster. And is upset the husband hasn't picked up literally anything throughout the day. The husband starts talking about how crazy it had been. The wife says "No one wants to come home to this". The husband responds with "But I am just so exhausted". To which the wife fires back "I KNOW". And just like that, it hit me. "No one wants to come home to this". In my hubby's mind, a not put together home is a disaster. He can't rest when he gets in from work because his home, in his mind, is in chaos. To love him well means to try harder, watch fewer tv marathons, and move around more on my days off to keep a tidy and neat home for him.
Marriage is TOUGH. It isn't about making sacrifices for yourself so that you get something in return. It is selfless. The beauty of it is the more selfless things you do, if you are married to the right person, the more you will get in return. It is the analogy of sowing and reaping. You probably won't reap what you sow immediately, not during difficult times, but in the end, I believe you will sow more than you reap, especially when you are doing so just to show your love.
Never would I have thought watching a TV show about housewives getting in with a gang would give me such a beautiful insight into my own marriage conundrum. But I sure am thankful it did. I now have a newfound willingness to love my husband better. And I am excited to see where this takes us.
Love,
The Trying to be Tidy Wife
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