Inspiration Found Everywhere

Lately, I have come to realize that inspiration can be found in the most unusual places.  To help you better understand let me start with some background info...

My husband is incredibly Type A ... like the pillows have to be positioned "just so" on the couch, like he vacuums the couch, and not just vacuums it but does so in a way that creates perfect lines on the couch.  I didn't even know people vacuumed their couches let alone the line situation before I met him. 

So now that you understand that perspective of living I will explain my way of thinking.  Now I don't see myself as a dirty or messy person.  But I am definitely not close to a perfectionist level.  I would consider myself a middle ground man in the gross-and-filthy to perfect-and-tidy cleanly scale.  I'm ok with dishes sitting out for a bit or unfolded laundry to remain out for a period of time but I'm not ok with unending piling chaos.

I'm sure from that information you can understand that cleanliness has been a point of contention in our marriage since the very beginning.  He expects to come home to an immaculate home.  To go to bed to an immaculate home.  For our home to remain in a state of constant immaculateness.  I, on the other hand, prefer to be much more laid back about the whole ordeal.  The problem lies with whose responsibility is it to keep up this immaculateness?  His understanding is because I am a woman, it is my job.  Nevermind the fact that I have a full-time job or the fact that we are both working parents, that I am exhausted after my 12 hours shifts, that I need a B-R-E-A-K on my days off, that he perpetually naps on his days off and at work...  Can you hear my disapproval of this way of thinking? 

On the other hand, I want to be a good wife and I want him to feel cared for.  So it is a continual battle in my mind of "If he wants it this way he can do it himself" and "but I should do it to make him happy".  What to do...what to do...

We recently had a long talk about love languages and realized that acts of service were his and words of affirmation were mine.  I continually show him love through words of affirmation which means relatively nothing to him and he performs acts of service for me which I truly don't think twice about.  We were doing our best to love each other but we were doing so selfishly.  Because honestly, neither of us wants to do the more difficult thing and change our behaviors to love as the other one needed. 

So all of this to say, let me get back to my inspiration epiphany.  I was watching "Good Girls" (very funny show by the way) the other day and there is a scene where the stay-at-home mom and working dad change roles.  The mother comes home the first day from work to a house that is a mess.  Total disaster.  And is upset the husband hasn't picked up literally anything throughout the day.  The husband starts talking about how crazy it had been.  The wife says "No one wants to come home to this".  The husband responds with "But I am just so exhausted".  To which the wife fires back "I KNOW".  And just like that, it hit me.  "No one wants to come home to this".  In my hubby's mind, a not put together home is a disaster.  He can't rest when he gets in from work because his home, in his mind, is in chaos.  To love him well means to try harder, watch fewer tv marathons, and move around more on my days off to keep a tidy and neat home for him.

Marriage is TOUGH.  It isn't about making sacrifices for yourself so that you get something in return.  It is selfless.  The beauty of it is the more selfless things you do, if you are married to the right person, the more you will get in return.  It is the analogy of sowing and reaping.  You probably won't reap what you sow immediately, not during difficult times, but in the end, I believe you will sow more than you reap, especially when you are doing so just to show your love.

Never would I have thought watching a TV show about housewives getting in with a gang would give me such a beautiful insight into my own marriage conundrum.  But I sure am thankful it did.  I now have a newfound willingness to love my husband better.  And I am excited to see where this takes us.

Love,
The Trying to be Tidy Wife

To Have It All

A couple of weeks ago during a Sermon my Pastor said "The man who has nothing but has a relationship with God has everything".  His point being, we fight so much during this life to get all the other stuff, the house, the car, the job, the nick nacks - when in reality we only need Him.  I guess that's what God meant when he said it's harder for the rich man to get to Heaven then the poor because he clings to his earthy possessions.  Naked I came into this earth and in that same fashion I will leave, regardless of whether heaven or hell is my fate.  But to choose between an eternity of pain and anguish and one of pure joy I don't think the decision is too difficult.  


Yesterday, I discussed how it has been hard for me lately to stay happy.  I recently moved to a new state.  I have been here for about 7 months now and have tried to get myself involved in work, church and friends.  For some reason, it has been really tough.  Thankfully I have a family member that moved with me so I am not truly alone, but they have succeeded in making so many friends here and when I try and reach out it just never quite works out for me.  Thinking back on what my Pastor said it made me realize something.  I am trying to fill up my life and find my happiness in things I can get in this world when in reality all I need is to cling to God.  He will provide me with all the peace and joy I need.  "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:7).  I will work on remembering that is where the light of my life should come from. 


To have it all is to know and love God.  He will provide me with all I need.  People will fail me, things will break, food will perish - but God always is standing there right at my side with arms wide open, waiting for me to run to Him.

A Glass Half Full

Life is tough.  It's not always what you would expect it to be.  It's stressful and exhausting and forever changing.  But in that there are so many moments of joy and blessings that I think we tend to overlook more often than not.


I would say that throughout life I have been a very optimistic person.  I have always tried to see the glass half full, taken joy in the little things, and tried to be an encouragement to those around me.  


Lately, however, this has been a major struggle.  Which oddly enough has created even more stress to my life.  It's like a vicious cycle.  You have your downs and then you see all the ways that you are creating this low for yourself and it causes you to continue to spiral lower.


Now I know I said initially in my first post that I am a Christian.  I firmly believe that we have a God who cares for every aspect of our lives.  Who wants us to have joy and peace while on this earth despite all of the chaos.  And I love Him for it.  


But that is my biggest struggle at this point.  Knowing how blessed I am, (to have a roof over my head, a job that pays the bills, food whenever I want it, a family that loves me, friends who care for me, and a puppy who wants my attention practically every second of the day unless he gets a new treat) and still feeling this way.  And perhaps that is my dilemma.  How can I struggle with happiness when I have all of this?  How can I knowingly know what I know about our Creator and see all His beauty on this Earth and be stuck in my rut?


Clearly, I don't have an answer to these questions.  But writing this out is making it better.  Funny how sometimes just sharing thoughts (to no one) helps to ease the confusion and discomfort.  


I have come to realize in this life change is inevitable.  Change hurts, its uncomfortable, it makes us uneasy, it takes work, but - it makes us so much stronger.  And despite this unavoidable change, we have a God is never changes and always stays the same.  Change may be scary - but how can we be scared when God never leaves our side.  "I will never leave you nor forsake you."  (Heb. 13:5).  This is what He promises.  I am never alone in this life despite how alone I feel because God is faithful.  He loves me for exactly who I am, with all my mistakes and downfalls, knowing this is who I would become, and yet He loves me for it.  That is a comfort I am willing to live for.  That is a God I am willing to serve.  One who holds love above all.  "These three things will continue forever: faith, hope and love.  And the greatest of these is love." (1 Corin. 13:13) 


So I guess in the end, when we look at the big scheme of things, and we always have God there to fall back on, how can the glass not be half full?

First Official Post

So this is my first official post.  I have never blogged before but clearly it is catching on and becoming quite popular. (Not that I feel the need to do whatever is popular) I just always love reading through friends blogs and finally decided why not throw some of my thoughts of life up on a page.  I am choosing to remain anonymous for several reasons which I may disclose later.  I am viewing this blog as simply a way to share my take on the world and if others wish to read along help yourself!  :-)  So if you have decided to join me Welcome!  I hope that you enjoy.  I will warn you ahead of time of a couple of things: 1. I am new at this so bear with me as I get the hang of all of this.  2. As I think you can tell I am a Christian and therefore a lot of my posts (if not all) will be centered on the Bible and its teachings.  I hope I do not offend anyone by this as that is not my intention.  Like stated before, I am just here writing my thoughts.  On that note, I hope you all have a great day and God bless!